The following off-topic post has no redeeming union-related value.

It's hopeless...

On National Public Radio's 'All Things Considered' yesterday, NPR airhead Michele Norris was speaking with an Illinois employer sympathetic to the demonstrators at the immigration reform rallies. The employer had been talking about the extent of business support for the demonstrators' goals.

The annoyingly breathy, and oh-so-sincere, Norris said:

When we looked at the pictures of demonstrators marching through the streets of so many cities, what you didn't see are the business owners that hire many of those people.

I guess what I'm asking is, even though the businesses weren't there...

 

As Humpty Dumpty might say to Alice, if you can SEE that the businesses weren't there, you've better eyes than most.

Later in the show, the PRINCIPAL of a Montessori school in Chicago showed off her command of the language:

Each child has an individual educational plan, and this is what you see when you walk in: you see children working individually or in groups of one or two...

 

The editor notes that he himself often works in groups of one.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Discovered on the Internets (revised)

English-as-a-fourth-language department

He had served as Music Director of the Abilene Philharmonic Orchestra for a decade (1993 - 2003) and Green Bay Symphony Orchestra (1995 - 2000) concurrently. During his tenure he successfully accomplished community orchestras to true professional regional orchestras.

(This item also appears in our Can-You-Say-'Cleaning House'? department's files and is originally from a Major Ivy League University website biography of a certain conductor currently making his way around the regional and sub-regional orchestra circuit.)

Friday, April 21, 2006

Revised, on account of nothing in particular, Sunday, April 23, 2006
(original available to internet spies and compulsive regular readers on request)

April 20 Temporary Message/query...removed.

We received the information we needed.

Thank you.

The UnionMuse Orchestra Management Revolving Doorkeeper

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Updated (edited for clarity)

(Temporary entry, just until the staff returns)

Spring Forward. Fall Down.

UnionMuse dedicates this little nothing to those wretched employers who insist on scheduling concerts on the day of the annual spring time change.

Yes, it has taken a long time to get new material up. The staff has been on leave for the last month, in anticipation of an early changing of the clock. The tech staff will be off the rest of the week as well (they get unlimited mental hygiene days under their new contract), so we're creating this piece with crayolas and butcher paper. We hope you can read it.

This damned clock change throws all of us off every year. It's "later" by the clock - but strangely it feels even later than that - not earlier.* We stumble around for an entire week (unlike the fall time change, when we only stumble around for a couple of days) -- misplacing our keys, bumping into walls, feeling more stupid than usual.

Look here. Humans made some kind of deal with Time a long time ago. It was probably a bad idea, but there it is. Time is a weird enough concept without mucking with it twice a year.

If an hour is that big a deal, can't we just say, "OK, gang, beginning next Monday, come to work an hour earlier"?** Absolutely NO confusion as to what time it is, right? Not even for a minute. None of this where-am-I-what-time-is-it crapola.

And just because we're unamused by the whole concept, it's Daylight SAVING Time, not Daylight SAVINGS (or SAVING'S) Time, OK?

The preceding message had absolutely nothing to do with the usual UnionMuse agenda, if any.

Returning you now to our irregularly unscheduled postings...

* ** [edited: The original version at * read 'it's "later" by the clock - but strangely it feels earlier' and the original version at ** said "come to work an hour later"]

[editor's note 2: The quality of this post is a perfect illustration of the perils of time change.]

[editor's note 3: It is possible that the corrections make as little sense as the originals. Go away and come back tomorrow. We'll have a bit of nice scotch it you get here early enough. (or is it late enough?)]

Monday, April 3, 2006

We are sorry to announce that the
UnionMuse Post-Valentine Day Weenie Roast and Hunter Safety Seminar has been postponed indefinitely on account of seasonal affective disorder and home wiring projects.

In its place, we will, at our earliest availability, return with a few comments on the official Glorious History of the AFM...not to mention returning with an ACTUAL history (and well written at that), though incidental, though not glorious, of said union, via a history of its most major metropolitan local. Or else we will return with our long delayed Myths Concerning the MP[T]F series.

One or the other. Or both. Or neither.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

 

Lee redesigns the AFM's Great Seal

In a stunning display of imagination, graphics ability and executive hubris, AFM President Tom Lee has redesigned the AFM's most recognizable symbol.

Immediately after the announcement, protests from hundreds of members began to flood the switchboard at 1501 Broadway. However, the International Executive Board is expected to rubber stamp give its approval to the new design at its next regular meeting even though none of the executive officers queried approves of the change. "Since Tom has already ordered stationery and new lapel pins, we feel it would be fiscally irresponsible to reverse direction now," said one board member who spoke under condition of anonymity.

The new design is reproduced below.

January 26, 2006

A safety lamp at the end of the tunnel?

Pittsburgh, Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Special to UnionMuse

The Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre management today announced that it has been working with other area employers to place out of work PBT musicians in temporary jobs until the company gets back on its feet.

Owing to Pittsburgh's proximity to West Virginia, several coal mine operators in that state have expressed an interest in hiring a number of the players.

The union representing miners has also offered its assistance.

At a joint press conference with PBT and representatives of the mining companies, the United Mine Workers of America announced that it would waive initiation fees and a month's dues for any PBT musician who is so hired.

Both the Union and the employers emphasized that despite recent news concerning a few unfortunate incidents in West Virginia mines, the musicians actually would be working in better conditions and with better safety equipment than they typically have available in the orchestra pit.

The pay and benefits would be significantly higher as well, according to the union.

The United Mine Workers' representative also assured the musicians that, as miners, they never would be expected to donate even one hour of work. He insisted that "no miners ever have, and no employer would dare ask them to."

 

What, and leave show business?

(Orchestras in the news)

The following lines concerning the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre Orchestra appeared on January 19 in a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review piece by Mark Kanny [full article]. The article originally was titled, "Kick me," but just before press time, the head was changed to "PBT to reinstate live music."

The Feb. 9 gala opening night of "Coppelia" will be the only performance with an orchestra this season.

...

Incoming executive director Harris Ferris said the orchestra will be used for "at least two of five productions" during the 2006-07 season. The PBT's schedule for next season will be released in February, said artistic director Terrance Orr.

...

The musicians are donating their services for rehearsal and the Feb. 9 performance and will stop picketing at performances.

Donating their services?

Let's see...

Locked out of the first two productions of the season including the long Nutcracker run. Live music for TWO (out of five?) productions next year? ONE performance in one production (of three remaining) this year? NO PAY for that one performance or its rehearsal(s)?

Yeah, sure; we'd like to be professional musicians, too. Where do we sign up?

Do we have to quit our day job?

revised for clarity & relevance

Local 4 Secretary-Treasurer Not Guilty

DiCosimo amazed, and yet, somehow, not delighted.

Details, if we can, when we can.

The next best thing to a Kangaroo Court...

...as Local 4 puts its Secretary-Treasurer on trial tonight.

This story has everything that's Not Nice: Pots calling kettles black, conflicts of interest, attempts to influence the jury, last minute change of venue, new requirements for admission to meeting...

We're supposed to be on the road already. But we will try to provide a few details after breakfast.

Stand by, if you can, for the latest on DiCosimo, Leonard and Local 4's adventures in collective bargaining, elimination of enemies and violations of labor law* - amplified with hilarious quotes from a certain hopeless union journal. Yes, it's the return of "Parsing the International Musician."

We'll try to make it back here quickly.

* and the bylaws

We are in the middle of two pressing projects, and haven't had any writing time since before the weekend. Things should ease up shortly, though.

Thanks for checking back.

(from the brandly new Cleveland Pops CBA, Leonard "Surely You Jest" DiCosimo, co-author)

Should any grievances, disputes, or complaint arise over the interpretation or application of this Agreement, there shall be an earnest effort on the part of the parties to arrange a resolution promptly without recourse to the grievance procedure or to arbitration...

"Without recourse to the grievance procedure"? What is it with the word "grievance"?

We have seen panic in the faces of employees and employer representatives alike when the word is mentioned. "I just have a small problem; I don't really have a GRIEVANCE," a musician with a grievance might say.

We thought that grievance procedures existed to make problem resolution easier and less formal — less confrontational — than going to court or punching the union president employer in the nose.

Anyway, since the above quoted paragraph is the first thing one reads under the heading "Grievance Procedure," is it not, in effect, part of the grievance procedure?

What kind of idiot would agree to a contract clause like this? (HINT)

Except by permission of the Cleveland Pops, in its sole discretion, no Musician shall be permitted to use or bring to rehearsals or performances:

1. Sound Shields;
2. Visible Ear Plugs (and the use of any ear plugs will only be after consultation with and approval by the Musical Director); and
3. The wearing of coats or other inappropriate apparel at any concert.

(We don’t quite get number 3, but assume it has to do with concerts that may have taken place in cold venues. We’ve made some inquiries and will report if and when we hear back.)

Congratulations, Leonard DiCosimo, for doing a brilliant job putting together a first Collective Bargaining Agreement with the Cleveland Pops Orchestra.

The contract is a real piece of work. And so is DiCosimo, since he signed off on some fairly amazing provisions. Among them are the first orchestra contract clause in memory that bans the use of sound shields and other hearing protection without the advance permission of the employer and a clause allowing the employer to pay musicians who are not members of Local 4 as Independent Contractors.

The contract does not provide for job security in any way, and it has no provision for dismissal review. In fact, hiring and firing are conveniently (and creatively) tucked away in a rather comprehensive Management Rights clause, reasonably safe from the reach of the Grievance and Arbitration procedure (which, amazingly, the contract does include).

There's more (though this is the best, we think). And it's on the way.

The Editors

p.s.: We almost forgot: The contract hasn't been ratified. But don't get too excited, because we don't mean "yet." It's not going to be ratified, because DiCosimo and the employer simply made the deal without musician input and signed on the dotted line.

Someone claiming to be a Cleveland Pops musician sent this photo to us this morning. The e-mail said the photo was taken in front of the Local 4 building in Cleveland, but the sender could provide no further information. Our correspondent said that the only life on the sidewalk was a pack of mangy dogs milling around the person in the pillory. He tried to ask the guy if he was ok, but said he just grinned and grinned.

Funny. We've never seen anyone in a pillory when we've been in Cleveland. We must have been in the wrong neighborhood. We wonder who this guy is (he looks vaguely familiar); and what on earth is he doing in there.

UPDATE!!! Yes, we HAD seen that face before (see above).